Feeling Green and New

Alright so I’m a little less of a bitch today. I let things settle in. It is what it is. If surg is the worst case and that’s what I need to do to feel better and to run again, so be it. There’s nothing that I can do about it now. And that’s the absolute worst case – most likely (ie. hoping for) it to start feeling better in a few weeks and just be able to PT and Rehab back to health. I’m cool with taking off running for the rest of the summer – yes I said it. As long as I can start-up again pain-free. My body needs this rest I’m sure and I will be happy to run again with ease and a smile on my face. Instead of a pissed off frown and not enjoying it. Afterall it’s all about enjoying the run.

So anyway.. I’m seriously loving juices lately! And not the sugary gross store-bought ones. But I mean juices from a juice bar or made at home. You can pack a ton of fruits and veggies into one small glass and get some serious nutrients.

And… feeling a little new/weird. I’ve been contemplating this name change thing for a while now. Probably about a few months. If someone asked me if I’d change my name back to my maiden name last year (which, someone did). I’m pretty sure I snapped at him and said – “NO!” “Why would I!?” But it is something that just started to come natural to me. I found myself just saying and using my initials. Yes – ALW is better than ALF for initials but Forsyth is also much easier spelled, pronounced etc. Imagine yourself in an identity crisis… you are on the verge of two different lives trying to blend them together. Friends and Family who knew you with Harvey. Friends that have only known you without him. Trying to bring both worlds together all while you try to figure out who YOU are again, on your own and start your new life. So… for whatever reason this just felt really right to me. And you do take someone’s name to build a life and a family with them and when that’s no longer there the meaning seems to go away. Anyway, I don’t feel like I should have to explain myself to anyone – but I already heard questions and judgements coming up from people so needed to kind of get this off my chest.

And of course when I was at the DMV the guy who was helping me was like “Wow, you are really young to be a widow” (HATE that word!). So then I told him the quickie version of the story and he kept saying “36, wow, 36 – so young”. Maybe he was 36 – who knows. It’s nice to tell people sometimes because I feel like it gives them a little perspective on their day. The fact that you’re sweating your balls off today walking two steps into the office, or that your meeting ran late and you missed lunch, etc. etc. That all doesn’t seem so bad when you hear real life shit.

So welcome back April Wit – watch out world 😉

PS – Dad says I’m going to be famous some day so need to carry on the name. We’ll see.

 xo ALW

 

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