With this little girl? A LOT!! I haven’t been blogging lately for a lot of reasons. ONE – I’m over pretending and playing things up, and writing what I want to happen instead of what actually is happening and going on. I started this blog as a way to get my thoughts out and be completely honest – mostly with myself. It was a way to throw it all out there to myself and whoever else was bored enough at work to read it. I needed to talk about things yet I didn’t want to talk about them with anyone, so blogging was the best way to do that. Refreshing. Detoxifying my mind. But it slowly it stopped becoming that. It stopped being real and started becoming a facade of what or how I wanted things to be.
TWO – I’m starting and working on a new blog. Much cooler, much more exciting, creative, and with hopefully a lot better pictures and features. Coming January 2013!
THREE – I’m not running. It’s getting to the point now that the anxiety without running is building and building so badly that I can’t even think about it. Having to talk about it all day at work is hard. And hearing other people’s running victories and training is really really hard (yeah I’m a jealous little bratt.) 4 months is not a long time but feels like forever and I would give anything right now to be able to go on any run. 26.2 is going to feel so fucking sweet the next time it comes. So I need to refocus myself, and concentrate on getting healthy and getting ready to refresh and hit it hard again when the next training season comes around.
Patience, progress, … conviction?
I’m finally at the place that I need to be. Realized, and admitted some things to myself that I’d been hiding for so long. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is admit something to yourself, especially if it’s a fault. I’m at the spot now, where I can look back with no regret, no remorse, no sadness, no bitter feelings and no wondering ‘why?’. But seeing my life for what it really was and is and will be. Looking forward into the new beginning of what lies ahead. A life that I’m actually living. Stripped away are all the blinders, and excuses and fear. And that’s a lot to be able to say… Free.